So part one was left off where I overdosed on heroin, and died in my moms arms. And just in case you can't find it, here's the link http://phillipprosespastdiary.blogspot.com/2013/11/blurz-pheonix-houseapple-drugalcohol.html
After overdosing and ending up on one of the highest floors at Stony Brook Hospital, looken out on the world in the dark of night, seeing a helicopter land, and admiring the lights, feeling like I do not want to quit doing heroin at all, and this Indian Doctor comes in, talks to me for a brief moment, talks to me about why I am doing this, and how great my life could be if I stop, and how bad it will be if I don't. So he actually releases me that night, and of course when I go back home I shoot some more heroin before being sent back to that APPLE rehab again in the morning.
So I get back to the rehab, and at APPLE they have this really intense strictness where they stand me in front of all the other patients and people are allowed to scream at me, at the top of their lungs(LOAD). This did not help in any way, my hands and underarms were dripping in sweat as these people very cruelfully ream me a new one, if ya know what I mean. It all hurt back then.
I left there soon anyway. It was beyond uncomfortable.
Can you understand what a BLUR this all is for me? What I mean is, I have no feeling of being age 19 years old, AT ALL! So this story about APPLE(rehab), that eventually a year later became "Phoenix House", APPLE, I was age 17, and then at age 19, after another year of horror-ble heroin addiction, I end up mandated to Phoenix House at age 19 by probation. And the crazy thing is, my Dad said it, and it was hilarious, that the Court House In Central Islip, I was going to court so many times that me and my Dad both seen the court house build this HUGE lake outside.
So, finally, my probation officer, "Mrs. Peterson"(she was pretty cool, and pretty, too) ordered me to be mandated to Phoenix House, inpatient program, but she built up a portfolio with over 50 probation violations, and I remember having to go to the probation office, and a couple times I'd go, try to scam my way thru the urine and blood tests by sweating the heroin out of my system, going in to probation office and having such a shy bladder, nervousness, but at this place they would let you go into the bathroom alone, but I am not a slick, sly person, AT ALL! And I seen this one guy from my high school that was so filthy, coming in there strait from work(construction), hands filthy, but he said he would put bleach all over his hands, and then pee on his hands, into the urine cup(EWWWWW). THIS WAS ALL SO HORROR-BLE! AGE 18-19, and then I'd go home from probation and shoot heroin.
So before I knew it, I was set up to go to Phoenix House, 15 months of rehab, I was there.
Tune in for part 3 if you'd like, cause there is some really crazy memories, and this will be taking me on a stroll down memory lane.
Thanx BLUR!
Saturday, November 2, 2013
Friday, November 1, 2013
BLURZ Phoenix House/Apple Drug/Alcohol Rehab, Heroin Memory(Year 1998 and 2001): Part One(EXPLICIT CONTENT WARNING)(NOT FOR THE FEINT OF HEART)
I put 'feint' instead of 'faint', because LIFE is a battle/war of the soul.
These memories are going to be blurred, and scattered, and fragmented, so please bare(bear) with me - thanx - BLUR
What first inspired me to write this, seriously. The truth..... I was on the toilet bowl, and I had the radio playing, in the dark in the morning getting ready, and the song from The Red Hot Chili Peppers, "How Long" was playing, and I had this memory of being in rehab, and we would make fun of that song, where the lyrics say, "Take it on the other side", we were making fun, saying, "Take it up the tail pipe". Ok, so that's where this fragmentation of memories, BEGINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What happened, if you wanna start from the get go(the beginning), I ended up on probation because I stole this item(tool) from Walmart at age 17, to bring the item back for cash, and while I was heading out the exit, a security guard(the one that knew me from me being a skateboarder) stopped me, AND I FREAKED OUT, STARTED SCREAMING(I was in heroin withdrawal). So, I wrestled with the security guard, and my friend Jason ran to help me, but by then there was three men holding me down. I fell on the security guards wrist(sprained it), and fell with me knee into his crouch(testicles), and poo'd in my freaken pants. YUP! MY LIFE HAS BEEN """""REALLY""""" messed up.
So I end up on 'probation'(which that's a WHOLE nother story.)
But before I got put on probation, at age 17 I signed into a rehab(APPLE). It was called APPLE back in the 1990's. So I go to APPLE, and it was pure madness, and I remember there was this white supremacist that got into this HUGE fight with a Jamaican guy, and the white supremacist said this weird saying, "I'm gonna catch a body", which I had no idea what that meant. It meant he was gonna kill the guy. SO THIS PLACE WAS SCAREY. Anyway, I left this place(split the program). I got picked up by some friends, but also this girl that I would later fall in love with. But I got dropped off at a train station, IN A FREAKEN SNOW BLIZZARD, READY TO COMMIT SUICIDE!!!!!!!!
So I am on the Long Island Railroad, heading to Brooklyn New York, without any connection to buy heroin, but back then all you needed to do was go to the right street, drug dealers all over the place.
But on the train I ended up talking to this Hispanic guy named "Flacko", which meant skinny-AND BOY WAS THIS GUY SKINNY! But I didn't know that's what it meant till years later(BLURrrr). And he just knew what I(white boy) was doing in that East New York, Brooklyn neighborhood. So he took me to this horribly ghetto, gangsta area, I stand on corner, he gives me two bags, I inject on the freaken train platform in the freezing, freaken cold(TOO STRONG OF STUFF). I get home to Ronkonkama Train station, Mom picks me up. I was suppose to go back to the APPLE rehab, and on the way I became super suicidal. Me and Mom stopped at the pizza place at Middle Country Road, and Nichols Road, Selden, and my friend Dan met me there, and I was in the bathroom as my Mom was ordering pizza, and I remember this heroin in the needle being so PITCH BLACK(strong stuff), and I said, "I DON'T CARE! KILL ME!). And I remember having this bizarre psychic feeling that I had one of the most brightest *Future's* of all history(I have no idea/BLURrrr). I remember the high, pins and needles, heroin rush hitting me SOOOOO freaken intense, and I walked out of the bathroom, took a bite of pizza...........AND YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED??????????????????
I DIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PRONOUNCED DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MY CONSTANTINE MOMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That was my one and only suicide attempt. DON'T EVER ATTEMPT/COMMIT SUICIDE!
I foamed out of the mouth and turned blue, dead, in front of my poor Mother(which saved my life, more than you could know). I was pronounced dead, and think of the time that it took the ambulance to get there, I was dead on the scene, and my Angel Mom wouldn't let them give up on me, and I MIRACULOUSLY CAME BACK TO LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"""""BOOM"""""BLURrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
These memories are going to be blurred, and scattered, and fragmented, so please bare(bear) with me - thanx - BLUR
What first inspired me to write this, seriously. The truth..... I was on the toilet bowl, and I had the radio playing, in the dark in the morning getting ready, and the song from The Red Hot Chili Peppers, "How Long" was playing, and I had this memory of being in rehab, and we would make fun of that song, where the lyrics say, "Take it on the other side", we were making fun, saying, "Take it up the tail pipe". Ok, so that's where this fragmentation of memories, BEGINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What happened, if you wanna start from the get go(the beginning), I ended up on probation because I stole this item(tool) from Walmart at age 17, to bring the item back for cash, and while I was heading out the exit, a security guard(the one that knew me from me being a skateboarder) stopped me, AND I FREAKED OUT, STARTED SCREAMING(I was in heroin withdrawal). So, I wrestled with the security guard, and my friend Jason ran to help me, but by then there was three men holding me down. I fell on the security guards wrist(sprained it), and fell with me knee into his crouch(testicles), and poo'd in my freaken pants. YUP! MY LIFE HAS BEEN """""REALLY""""" messed up.
So I end up on 'probation'(which that's a WHOLE nother story.)
But before I got put on probation, at age 17 I signed into a rehab(APPLE). It was called APPLE back in the 1990's. So I go to APPLE, and it was pure madness, and I remember there was this white supremacist that got into this HUGE fight with a Jamaican guy, and the white supremacist said this weird saying, "I'm gonna catch a body", which I had no idea what that meant. It meant he was gonna kill the guy. SO THIS PLACE WAS SCAREY. Anyway, I left this place(split the program). I got picked up by some friends, but also this girl that I would later fall in love with. But I got dropped off at a train station, IN A FREAKEN SNOW BLIZZARD, READY TO COMMIT SUICIDE!!!!!!!!
So I am on the Long Island Railroad, heading to Brooklyn New York, without any connection to buy heroin, but back then all you needed to do was go to the right street, drug dealers all over the place.
But on the train I ended up talking to this Hispanic guy named "Flacko", which meant skinny-AND BOY WAS THIS GUY SKINNY! But I didn't know that's what it meant till years later(BLURrrr). And he just knew what I(white boy) was doing in that East New York, Brooklyn neighborhood. So he took me to this horribly ghetto, gangsta area, I stand on corner, he gives me two bags, I inject on the freaken train platform in the freezing, freaken cold(TOO STRONG OF STUFF). I get home to Ronkonkama Train station, Mom picks me up. I was suppose to go back to the APPLE rehab, and on the way I became super suicidal. Me and Mom stopped at the pizza place at Middle Country Road, and Nichols Road, Selden, and my friend Dan met me there, and I was in the bathroom as my Mom was ordering pizza, and I remember this heroin in the needle being so PITCH BLACK(strong stuff), and I said, "I DON'T CARE! KILL ME!). And I remember having this bizarre psychic feeling that I had one of the most brightest *Future's* of all history(I have no idea/BLURrrr). I remember the high, pins and needles, heroin rush hitting me SOOOOO freaken intense, and I walked out of the bathroom, took a bite of pizza...........AND YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED??????????????????
I DIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PRONOUNCED DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MY CONSTANTINE MOMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That was my one and only suicide attempt. DON'T EVER ATTEMPT/COMMIT SUICIDE!
I foamed out of the mouth and turned blue, dead, in front of my poor Mother(which saved my life, more than you could know). I was pronounced dead, and think of the time that it took the ambulance to get there, I was dead on the scene, and my Angel Mom wouldn't let them give up on me, and I MIRACULOUSLY CAME BACK TO LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"""""BOOM"""""BLURrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
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