So part one was left off where I overdosed on heroin, and died in my moms arms. And just in case you can't find it, here's the link http://phillipprosespastdiary.blogspot.com/2013/11/blurz-pheonix-houseapple-drugalcohol.html
After overdosing and ending up on one of the highest floors at Stony Brook Hospital, looken out on the world in the dark of night, seeing a helicopter land, and admiring the lights, feeling like I do not want to quit doing heroin at all, and this Indian Doctor comes in, talks to me for a brief moment, talks to me about why I am doing this, and how great my life could be if I stop, and how bad it will be if I don't. So he actually releases me that night, and of course when I go back home I shoot some more heroin before being sent back to that APPLE rehab again in the morning.
So I get back to the rehab, and at APPLE they have this really intense strictness where they stand me in front of all the other patients and people are allowed to scream at me, at the top of their lungs(LOAD). This did not help in any way, my hands and underarms were dripping in sweat as these people very cruelfully ream me a new one, if ya know what I mean. It all hurt back then.
I left there soon anyway. It was beyond uncomfortable.
Can you understand what a BLUR this all is for me? What I mean is, I have no feeling of being age 19 years old, AT ALL! So this story about APPLE(rehab), that eventually a year later became "Phoenix House", APPLE, I was age 17, and then at age 19, after another year of horror-ble heroin addiction, I end up mandated to Phoenix House at age 19 by probation. And the crazy thing is, my Dad said it, and it was hilarious, that the Court House In Central Islip, I was going to court so many times that me and my Dad both seen the court house build this HUGE lake outside.
So, finally, my probation officer, "Mrs. Peterson"(she was pretty cool, and pretty, too) ordered me to be mandated to Phoenix House, inpatient program, but she built up a portfolio with over 50 probation violations, and I remember having to go to the probation office, and a couple times I'd go, try to scam my way thru the urine and blood tests by sweating the heroin out of my system, going in to probation office and having such a shy bladder, nervousness, but at this place they would let you go into the bathroom alone, but I am not a slick, sly person, AT ALL! And I seen this one guy from my high school that was so filthy, coming in there strait from work(construction), hands filthy, but he said he would put bleach all over his hands, and then pee on his hands, into the urine cup(EWWWWW). THIS WAS ALL SO HORROR-BLE! AGE 18-19, and then I'd go home from probation and shoot heroin.
So before I knew it, I was set up to go to Phoenix House, 15 months of rehab, I was there.
Tune in for part 3 if you'd like, cause there is some really crazy memories, and this will be taking me on a stroll down memory lane.
Thanx BLUR!
Saturday, November 2, 2013
Friday, November 1, 2013
BLURZ Phoenix House/Apple Drug/Alcohol Rehab, Heroin Memory(Year 1998 and 2001): Part One(EXPLICIT CONTENT WARNING)(NOT FOR THE FEINT OF HEART)
I put 'feint' instead of 'faint', because LIFE is a battle/war of the soul.
These memories are going to be blurred, and scattered, and fragmented, so please bare(bear) with me - thanx - BLUR
What first inspired me to write this, seriously. The truth..... I was on the toilet bowl, and I had the radio playing, in the dark in the morning getting ready, and the song from The Red Hot Chili Peppers, "How Long" was playing, and I had this memory of being in rehab, and we would make fun of that song, where the lyrics say, "Take it on the other side", we were making fun, saying, "Take it up the tail pipe". Ok, so that's where this fragmentation of memories, BEGINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What happened, if you wanna start from the get go(the beginning), I ended up on probation because I stole this item(tool) from Walmart at age 17, to bring the item back for cash, and while I was heading out the exit, a security guard(the one that knew me from me being a skateboarder) stopped me, AND I FREAKED OUT, STARTED SCREAMING(I was in heroin withdrawal). So, I wrestled with the security guard, and my friend Jason ran to help me, but by then there was three men holding me down. I fell on the security guards wrist(sprained it), and fell with me knee into his crouch(testicles), and poo'd in my freaken pants. YUP! MY LIFE HAS BEEN """""REALLY""""" messed up.
So I end up on 'probation'(which that's a WHOLE nother story.)
But before I got put on probation, at age 17 I signed into a rehab(APPLE). It was called APPLE back in the 1990's. So I go to APPLE, and it was pure madness, and I remember there was this white supremacist that got into this HUGE fight with a Jamaican guy, and the white supremacist said this weird saying, "I'm gonna catch a body", which I had no idea what that meant. It meant he was gonna kill the guy. SO THIS PLACE WAS SCAREY. Anyway, I left this place(split the program). I got picked up by some friends, but also this girl that I would later fall in love with. But I got dropped off at a train station, IN A FREAKEN SNOW BLIZZARD, READY TO COMMIT SUICIDE!!!!!!!!
So I am on the Long Island Railroad, heading to Brooklyn New York, without any connection to buy heroin, but back then all you needed to do was go to the right street, drug dealers all over the place.
But on the train I ended up talking to this Hispanic guy named "Flacko", which meant skinny-AND BOY WAS THIS GUY SKINNY! But I didn't know that's what it meant till years later(BLURrrr). And he just knew what I(white boy) was doing in that East New York, Brooklyn neighborhood. So he took me to this horribly ghetto, gangsta area, I stand on corner, he gives me two bags, I inject on the freaken train platform in the freezing, freaken cold(TOO STRONG OF STUFF). I get home to Ronkonkama Train station, Mom picks me up. I was suppose to go back to the APPLE rehab, and on the way I became super suicidal. Me and Mom stopped at the pizza place at Middle Country Road, and Nichols Road, Selden, and my friend Dan met me there, and I was in the bathroom as my Mom was ordering pizza, and I remember this heroin in the needle being so PITCH BLACK(strong stuff), and I said, "I DON'T CARE! KILL ME!). And I remember having this bizarre psychic feeling that I had one of the most brightest *Future's* of all history(I have no idea/BLURrrr). I remember the high, pins and needles, heroin rush hitting me SOOOOO freaken intense, and I walked out of the bathroom, took a bite of pizza...........AND YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED??????????????????
I DIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PRONOUNCED DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MY CONSTANTINE MOMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That was my one and only suicide attempt. DON'T EVER ATTEMPT/COMMIT SUICIDE!
I foamed out of the mouth and turned blue, dead, in front of my poor Mother(which saved my life, more than you could know). I was pronounced dead, and think of the time that it took the ambulance to get there, I was dead on the scene, and my Angel Mom wouldn't let them give up on me, and I MIRACULOUSLY CAME BACK TO LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"""""BOOM"""""BLURrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
These memories are going to be blurred, and scattered, and fragmented, so please bare(bear) with me - thanx - BLUR
What first inspired me to write this, seriously. The truth..... I was on the toilet bowl, and I had the radio playing, in the dark in the morning getting ready, and the song from The Red Hot Chili Peppers, "How Long" was playing, and I had this memory of being in rehab, and we would make fun of that song, where the lyrics say, "Take it on the other side", we were making fun, saying, "Take it up the tail pipe". Ok, so that's where this fragmentation of memories, BEGINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What happened, if you wanna start from the get go(the beginning), I ended up on probation because I stole this item(tool) from Walmart at age 17, to bring the item back for cash, and while I was heading out the exit, a security guard(the one that knew me from me being a skateboarder) stopped me, AND I FREAKED OUT, STARTED SCREAMING(I was in heroin withdrawal). So, I wrestled with the security guard, and my friend Jason ran to help me, but by then there was three men holding me down. I fell on the security guards wrist(sprained it), and fell with me knee into his crouch(testicles), and poo'd in my freaken pants. YUP! MY LIFE HAS BEEN """""REALLY""""" messed up.
So I end up on 'probation'(which that's a WHOLE nother story.)
But before I got put on probation, at age 17 I signed into a rehab(APPLE). It was called APPLE back in the 1990's. So I go to APPLE, and it was pure madness, and I remember there was this white supremacist that got into this HUGE fight with a Jamaican guy, and the white supremacist said this weird saying, "I'm gonna catch a body", which I had no idea what that meant. It meant he was gonna kill the guy. SO THIS PLACE WAS SCAREY. Anyway, I left this place(split the program). I got picked up by some friends, but also this girl that I would later fall in love with. But I got dropped off at a train station, IN A FREAKEN SNOW BLIZZARD, READY TO COMMIT SUICIDE!!!!!!!!
So I am on the Long Island Railroad, heading to Brooklyn New York, without any connection to buy heroin, but back then all you needed to do was go to the right street, drug dealers all over the place.
But on the train I ended up talking to this Hispanic guy named "Flacko", which meant skinny-AND BOY WAS THIS GUY SKINNY! But I didn't know that's what it meant till years later(BLURrrr). And he just knew what I(white boy) was doing in that East New York, Brooklyn neighborhood. So he took me to this horribly ghetto, gangsta area, I stand on corner, he gives me two bags, I inject on the freaken train platform in the freezing, freaken cold(TOO STRONG OF STUFF). I get home to Ronkonkama Train station, Mom picks me up. I was suppose to go back to the APPLE rehab, and on the way I became super suicidal. Me and Mom stopped at the pizza place at Middle Country Road, and Nichols Road, Selden, and my friend Dan met me there, and I was in the bathroom as my Mom was ordering pizza, and I remember this heroin in the needle being so PITCH BLACK(strong stuff), and I said, "I DON'T CARE! KILL ME!). And I remember having this bizarre psychic feeling that I had one of the most brightest *Future's* of all history(I have no idea/BLURrrr). I remember the high, pins and needles, heroin rush hitting me SOOOOO freaken intense, and I walked out of the bathroom, took a bite of pizza...........AND YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED??????????????????
I DIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PRONOUNCED DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MY CONSTANTINE MOMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That was my one and only suicide attempt. DON'T EVER ATTEMPT/COMMIT SUICIDE!
I foamed out of the mouth and turned blue, dead, in front of my poor Mother(which saved my life, more than you could know). I was pronounced dead, and think of the time that it took the ambulance to get there, I was dead on the scene, and my Angel Mom wouldn't let them give up on me, and I MIRACULOUSLY CAME BACK TO LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"""""BOOM"""""BLURrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Sunday, October 20, 2013
BLURZ: WRITINGZ FROM THE PAST - Little Tweety Writings From The Past
My goal is to have more YouTube views then the amount of money they tried to steal in the movie, "Armored".
What can a person that's suppose to be dead really accomplish?
8:19 PM, Feb 28th, 2006 - I nailed my funny bone on the corner of the closet door, and it is not funny at all.
2006 - At the rate I'm going I'll have a heart attack for sure. Just hope I get a ton of YouTube videos?
2006 - I felt again, last night, like I might not live to see tomorrow? As far as creating? That's motivation; follow ya dreams.
2006 - March 1st is here. February I improved. This month I gotta do ten times better. NO Pressure! No Pressure!
2006 - I was reading "Psychology Today" magazine, and it said, "Have a backup plan.", Yeah, Van Gogh, I create as much as possible till I die, if nothing hits while alive, oh well.
2006 - I will never be normal! It's impossible! My purpose on Earth is to extreme.
2006 - It's crazy when demons knock at the back door, but what is even crazier, probably, is that it doesn't even faze me.
I want my twitter, Facebook, YouTube, and Myspace to be on steroids.
What can a person that's suppose to be dead really accomplish?
8:19 PM, Feb 28th, 2006 - I nailed my funny bone on the corner of the closet door, and it is not funny at all.
2006 - At the rate I'm going I'll have a heart attack for sure. Just hope I get a ton of YouTube videos?
2006 - I felt again, last night, like I might not live to see tomorrow? As far as creating? That's motivation; follow ya dreams.
2006 - March 1st is here. February I improved. This month I gotta do ten times better. NO Pressure! No Pressure!
2006 - I was reading "Psychology Today" magazine, and it said, "Have a backup plan.", Yeah, Van Gogh, I create as much as possible till I die, if nothing hits while alive, oh well.
2006 - I will never be normal! It's impossible! My purpose on Earth is to extreme.
2006 - It's crazy when demons knock at the back door, but what is even crazier, probably, is that it doesn't even faze me.
I want my twitter, Facebook, YouTube, and Myspace to be on steroids.
Monday, June 3, 2013
BLURZ OLD DIARIES:(Somewhere between 2003/2004)Loss of an Angelic Friend(car accident)-DRUG FILES:ECSTASY-LOSS OF SOUL-AND LOVE
It started again? A week before today? "Never again, is what you swore, the time before" - Depeche Mode lyrics, from their song "Policy of Truth"?
(Referring to me tripping out a couple times on ecstasy(ALONE)after having been sober for just over 15 months, after being in a Therapeutic Community, Long Term rehab program, so I was going thru some intense emotions, and feeling the horror of knowing that I've completely LOST MYSELF(SOUL)
Coming close to the end of misery has set me off so numb inside. So a two day trip was the only answer I could find. I am so different than everyone. For all the pain that has happened to me was caused by my own hands. A worst enemy. So hard to hold a defense. A self destructor in its finest hour. So I decide to break from Reality once more. One glance into my eyes, you can see a Fallen Angel searching for his Soul?(I try and tell people, I LITERALLY LOST MY SOUL-and this the 1st time going over ANY OF THIS) So lost inside. You can tell, I would not hurt a fly. So at times of anger, I thrive off my own pain. This pain was a feeling of ecstasy?(don't know) Washing away all that reality has stricken upon my fantasy filled mind. FIENDING for Love! FIENDING for Heaven! Wanting to just die......for years. Rejecting Life. falling to the mercy of my own cries. You can never call this poetry. For poetry is flow, and flow does not exist here. Nobody might ever know how special I really am?(okay, I am lost now-have no clue what I'm talking about) I always knew I was different?(E.T. maybe? One can hope!)I cry for a life line, but you will never know who is shedding these tears. I can be revealed by looking into my eyes, and seeing a pure soul, confused and alone. For I would be the best Lover ever, who would never leave his Lovers side. It feels like this World has no room for a Dreamer. I feel it is so unfair that I have had so many chances throughout my life, rejected suicide. But people who don't want to die don't get any chances. J.L.M.(R.I.P.)Jared Lashay Morris. So sad and scary. There's to much going on, Fiona Apple(I have no idea why I wrote her name?). I'm to close to giving up again. All I want now is total numbness. To feel, NO MORE! I know there is one goal that will never break. I shall never hurt anyone! For I might fade away soon. When I do fade, you will all know who I am?(Hmm?) In my final hour, I will smile once more! I feel most afraid when I want to live. Through my more than ten times of white light, and death, there was no fear.(???????) I don't feel much pain when I thrive for death. It's been over two years since I felt this way. It's back, and I welcome it. Noone will ever know how crazy this white boy is, that forever holds a smile, and is so kind, but I know I could rip anybody around me apart.(What the heck????? that last part???)
Okay than? My thoughts about this. I feel that last part was all the fear I went thru for so long, had me really defensive, and offensive toward the world. I know I searched for fearlessness a lot thru my insanity? NEVER WORKED! The rest, I kind of liked. That I talked about Love loyalty. And loss of Soul. The friend that died was a vegan that never touched a drug, alcohol, cigarette or had sex-he was pure-SO WHY DID HE DIE? To become an Angel maybe? This was really sad for so many, and raised so much doubt in a lot of people about GOD. Barely made it thru any of that. Thanx for reading-BLUR(Phillip Proses)
(Referring to me tripping out a couple times on ecstasy(ALONE)after having been sober for just over 15 months, after being in a Therapeutic Community, Long Term rehab program, so I was going thru some intense emotions, and feeling the horror of knowing that I've completely LOST MYSELF(SOUL)
Coming close to the end of misery has set me off so numb inside. So a two day trip was the only answer I could find. I am so different than everyone. For all the pain that has happened to me was caused by my own hands. A worst enemy. So hard to hold a defense. A self destructor in its finest hour. So I decide to break from Reality once more. One glance into my eyes, you can see a Fallen Angel searching for his Soul?(I try and tell people, I LITERALLY LOST MY SOUL-and this the 1st time going over ANY OF THIS) So lost inside. You can tell, I would not hurt a fly. So at times of anger, I thrive off my own pain. This pain was a feeling of ecstasy?(don't know) Washing away all that reality has stricken upon my fantasy filled mind. FIENDING for Love! FIENDING for Heaven! Wanting to just die......for years. Rejecting Life. falling to the mercy of my own cries. You can never call this poetry. For poetry is flow, and flow does not exist here. Nobody might ever know how special I really am?(okay, I am lost now-have no clue what I'm talking about) I always knew I was different?(E.T. maybe? One can hope!)I cry for a life line, but you will never know who is shedding these tears. I can be revealed by looking into my eyes, and seeing a pure soul, confused and alone. For I would be the best Lover ever, who would never leave his Lovers side. It feels like this World has no room for a Dreamer. I feel it is so unfair that I have had so many chances throughout my life, rejected suicide. But people who don't want to die don't get any chances. J.L.M.(R.I.P.)Jared Lashay Morris. So sad and scary. There's to much going on, Fiona Apple(I have no idea why I wrote her name?). I'm to close to giving up again. All I want now is total numbness. To feel, NO MORE! I know there is one goal that will never break. I shall never hurt anyone! For I might fade away soon. When I do fade, you will all know who I am?(Hmm?) In my final hour, I will smile once more! I feel most afraid when I want to live. Through my more than ten times of white light, and death, there was no fear.(???????) I don't feel much pain when I thrive for death. It's been over two years since I felt this way. It's back, and I welcome it. Noone will ever know how crazy this white boy is, that forever holds a smile, and is so kind, but I know I could rip anybody around me apart.(What the heck????? that last part???)
Okay than? My thoughts about this. I feel that last part was all the fear I went thru for so long, had me really defensive, and offensive toward the world. I know I searched for fearlessness a lot thru my insanity? NEVER WORKED! The rest, I kind of liked. That I talked about Love loyalty. And loss of Soul. The friend that died was a vegan that never touched a drug, alcohol, cigarette or had sex-he was pure-SO WHY DID HE DIE? To become an Angel maybe? This was really sad for so many, and raised so much doubt in a lot of people about GOD. Barely made it thru any of that. Thanx for reading-BLUR(Phillip Proses)
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
SOME OF BLURZ 2006 SEAFIELD DRUG AND ALCOHOL REHAB DIARY CHRONICLES
Well, I remember getting there so high on heroin, ridiculous, soulless me, pitch black, after midnight, and the woman nurse calling me an Angel? Weird, out of this World stuff. There was this young Hispanic guy with glasses, Ishmail that had HIV, but he confided in me, said I'm the only person he told that he has full blown aids. :( SO SAD! How do you tell somebody going thru that that everything is going to be ok??? And at that point they are to hurt and angry to hear the message of GOD? :( SO SAD! There was this Epic Woman Counselor there, blonde hair, so tough, so gorgeously stunning, and she was a Golden Gloves Boxing Champion, and she would always come in so powerful in her suit, and I can NOT believe that I tried to hit on her? WHAT THE FREAK? There was this old counselor man in his 90's of age, a real Noble, Honorable, American Pride Patriot type, and the Patient that would get the highest score every week as the role model patient, no matter what the size, he would put on this strong man belt around his waste, and these work out glove, and he would pick the person up off the ground in a bear hug manner, HAHAHAHA, I REALIZE HOW BEAUTIFUL WE REALLY ARE AS *HUMAN SPECIES* :( So sad about suffering though, huh. And this Old man counselor in his 90's of age, would get so furious if one of us patients called one of our family members, VISITORS :D I was in there with the lead singer from the band "Type O Negative" Peter Steele, and so weird, funny guy to, but he kept talking about how he started this group called, "The GOD Squad"??? Weird stuff. I remember I was going thru so much emotional pain, that I hid in the bathtub in the dark during a meeting, and was eating M&M's, and I shocked my room mate by some martial art skill that I learned to be able to put my hands under the hottest the water can go, and not move or flinch? Felt like fire! That was the toughest I've ever been! NOT ANY MORE-I'M ULTRA SENSITIVE! My room mates were taking advantage of me, so I ripped my shirt to shreds like the Hulk, the one fellow was petrified????? Ughhhhhh! I guess I really have come a long way.
NOW, DIARY WRITINGS FROM THE NOTEBOOK-SO BARE WITH ME(BLUR)
(Don't know the date of this one)Along came Popeye, HILARIOUS! Disgusted Wolverine dude, Halloween dressing?(don't know)
Ishmail spotting Apple juice, without Apple Pulp. Gregory the Rabbi talking about fighting this 7 foot tall dude, "Take out the dudes nutz, neck and eyes". Me doing the Beavis and Butthead, Cornholio Impersonation. Video gamers talking about................VIDEO GAMES! William B wouldn't give "BLUBBER" a work sheet.(MEAN PEOPLE) guy shouting, "NO FRUIT OF THE LOOMS! NO FRUIT OF THE LOOMS!" guy said, "The drug sniffing dog ate my homework".
BLUR(Phillip Proses)5/15/2013
NOW, DIARY WRITINGS FROM THE NOTEBOOK-SO BARE WITH ME(BLUR)
(Don't know the date of this one)Along came Popeye, HILARIOUS! Disgusted Wolverine dude, Halloween dressing?(don't know)
Ishmail spotting Apple juice, without Apple Pulp. Gregory the Rabbi talking about fighting this 7 foot tall dude, "Take out the dudes nutz, neck and eyes". Me doing the Beavis and Butthead, Cornholio Impersonation. Video gamers talking about................VIDEO GAMES! William B wouldn't give "BLUBBER" a work sheet.(MEAN PEOPLE) guy shouting, "NO FRUIT OF THE LOOMS! NO FRUIT OF THE LOOMS!" guy said, "The drug sniffing dog ate my homework".
BLUR(Phillip Proses)5/15/2013
Monday, May 6, 2013
11-1-1998 to 11-7-1998 Ughhhhhh boy. Got Soul back! Now going over the past, *TESTIMONY* going to be brutal I see.
11-1-1998 Started out really shitty! Owed money to Polidora(heroin). Went to (taylor)Lynne's house to get money he owed me(heroin). Than cab was so late, and I was short 4 beans(dollars), had to ask Taylors step dad(Mitch) for it(not good), cause Lynne wasn't there. Ended up with 8 dog scrapes(empty bags of heroin to scrape), and ended up with a whole Dog(bag of heroin) that Daneil(? don't remember her) gave me on accident. so it ended up being a great day(?huhhhhhh?)seen uncle and Aunt
HOLY COW, WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME BACK THEN?(LOST SOUL-REALLY!)
11-2-1998 Stayed home from school(what ah surprise). Didn't do any D(heroin) this day(aweee, what ah shame), but it was alright.(oh woo is me). I got nice and drunk(woo, shocker). Chilled with Lynn and Laz, and walked in the cold + got yelled at by my Brother(Huhhhhh-what another shocker).
I AM REBORN NOW BY THE ALMIGHTY HOLY GODZ-READING THIS STUFF NOW IN 2013 IS ALL NEW TO ME, BUT CRAZY THAT I COULD'VE GUESSED ALL THIS. My Brother still treats me like shit.
11-3-1998 Got up hurting. I was so Dope Sick(heroin withdrawal)(THE BEGINNING OF THE END). Got blamed for stealing 20 beans($$$), got into a big accident(I guess a car accident, I had AT LEAST 10+)(SERIOUS), and still sick.
11-4-1998 Went to the learn(?) crib for once? Ya, worked out(exercise), body/muscles aching. But than, Lucky me(BLUR)(didn't even know I was BLUR back then. Remember-I LOST MY SOUL*LITERALLY*FOR 13 YEARS).......again,,,,But, lucky me(BLUR)took a trip to Brooklyn(heroin epicenter)I sticked two?(I guess injected 2?), and got on the Jackie Robinson(parkway), and got 6 pacs(bags of heroin) and felt better.
Dear GOD! Thanx for saving me from that real life horror movie. I OWE YOU EVERYTHING!
11-5-1998 Went to Learn Crib?(don't know what that is?). Almost a year of 1st year there?(at the apartment complex, La Bonne Vie, after Parents divorced after I over dosed for the 1st time and Brother had to give me mouth to mouth resuscitation, and mom walked in as ambulance was taking me out on stretcher, parents had no idea I had any drug problem). Hung out with Lynn(Taylor) and got messed up. Felt good. Went to Community Service(oh yeah? 180 hours community service. forgot about that). than went home and chilled(CHILLED? I HAD NO IDEA I WAS ABOUT TO LOSE MY FREAKEN SOUL).
11-6-1998 Went to Learn Crib, passed out all day.(heroin) FRIDAY, Ya, but unlucky, nothing good happened.(ughhhh) Finished off dope, and went......to.....sleeeeeeeeeep!
11-7-1998 Saturday: Today was pretty good. Hung out with Lazlo, Krueger, Lary, Tony P, and Taylor, smoked herb(marijuana). Hung with Taylor to get Dog(heroin)from Daniel(in the RAIN-FREAK-MEMORY JUST JUMPED BACK TO ME!!!!!!) (I now remember who Daniel was.) I took cab to Walmart, and gave the cab driver weed to drop the toll(price)(WTF??????). Got ride home from Daniel and Phil, and TAYLORS BAG OF HEROIN WAS FAKE(hahahaa)(memory coming back. I didn't do it!, but remember he was very unlucky with that. Taylor got pissed, and then we seen Lazlo and Krueger.
Ughhhhh, boy. Going over this just drained me. Back hurts. So I walked away from being a heroin addict 7 years ago, but still struggled, but just got my Soul back March 12th, 2013, and went thru a 10 month Rebirth process, and was officially REBORNED by the GODZ on my Human birthday, April 7th, 2013. YIPPY! Bya, BLUR
HOLY COW, WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME BACK THEN?(LOST SOUL-REALLY!)
11-2-1998 Stayed home from school(what ah surprise). Didn't do any D(heroin) this day(aweee, what ah shame), but it was alright.(oh woo is me). I got nice and drunk(woo, shocker). Chilled with Lynn and Laz, and walked in the cold + got yelled at by my Brother(Huhhhhh-what another shocker).
I AM REBORN NOW BY THE ALMIGHTY HOLY GODZ-READING THIS STUFF NOW IN 2013 IS ALL NEW TO ME, BUT CRAZY THAT I COULD'VE GUESSED ALL THIS. My Brother still treats me like shit.
11-3-1998 Got up hurting. I was so Dope Sick(heroin withdrawal)(THE BEGINNING OF THE END). Got blamed for stealing 20 beans($$$), got into a big accident(I guess a car accident, I had AT LEAST 10+)(SERIOUS), and still sick.
11-4-1998 Went to the learn(?) crib for once? Ya, worked out(exercise), body/muscles aching. But than, Lucky me(BLUR)(didn't even know I was BLUR back then. Remember-I LOST MY SOUL*LITERALLY*FOR 13 YEARS).......again,,,,But, lucky me(BLUR)took a trip to Brooklyn(heroin epicenter)I sticked two?(I guess injected 2?), and got on the Jackie Robinson(parkway), and got 6 pacs(bags of heroin) and felt better.
Dear GOD! Thanx for saving me from that real life horror movie. I OWE YOU EVERYTHING!
11-5-1998 Went to Learn Crib?(don't know what that is?). Almost a year of 1st year there?(at the apartment complex, La Bonne Vie, after Parents divorced after I over dosed for the 1st time and Brother had to give me mouth to mouth resuscitation, and mom walked in as ambulance was taking me out on stretcher, parents had no idea I had any drug problem). Hung out with Lynn(Taylor) and got messed up. Felt good. Went to Community Service(oh yeah? 180 hours community service. forgot about that). than went home and chilled(CHILLED? I HAD NO IDEA I WAS ABOUT TO LOSE MY FREAKEN SOUL).
11-6-1998 Went to Learn Crib, passed out all day.(heroin) FRIDAY, Ya, but unlucky, nothing good happened.(ughhhh) Finished off dope, and went......to.....sleeeeeeeeeep!
11-7-1998 Saturday: Today was pretty good. Hung out with Lazlo, Krueger, Lary, Tony P, and Taylor, smoked herb(marijuana). Hung with Taylor to get Dog(heroin)from Daniel(in the RAIN-FREAK-MEMORY JUST JUMPED BACK TO ME!!!!!!) (I now remember who Daniel was.) I took cab to Walmart, and gave the cab driver weed to drop the toll(price)(WTF??????). Got ride home from Daniel and Phil, and TAYLORS BAG OF HEROIN WAS FAKE(hahahaa)(memory coming back. I didn't do it!, but remember he was very unlucky with that. Taylor got pissed, and then we seen Lazlo and Krueger.
Ughhhhh, boy. Going over this just drained me. Back hurts. So I walked away from being a heroin addict 7 years ago, but still struggled, but just got my Soul back March 12th, 2013, and went thru a 10 month Rebirth process, and was officially REBORNED by the GODZ on my Human birthday, April 7th, 2013. YIPPY! Bya, BLUR
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